This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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