We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
