$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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