I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
