do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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