i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
