I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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