If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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