I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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