If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize