I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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