i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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