If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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