Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
