I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
