I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
