I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sober January is a disaster.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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