i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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