My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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