OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize