hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
