He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
