So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
