So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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