I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
