i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
