I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
