Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
