It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
