is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
