It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
nutella sex= disaster
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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