Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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