i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
