that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize