Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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