Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
