Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
