So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they need to just BURY HIM!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You have to summon your inner elephant
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
