I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
