Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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