Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
