alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
