i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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