I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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