Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
