so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize