My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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