I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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