my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
