he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize