I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
