i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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