based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
