it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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