I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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