can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
