I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
