just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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