There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
