I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
