If that was your dad, he is hot
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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