conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize